Friday, June 14, 2013

Hope didn't float up . . .this time

So I haven't posted in a long time, actually a lot longer than I thought.

My secret that I had worked on for months (Sept - Jan) was I had applied for and was in the process of interviewing for Teach for America.  My first choice was Gallup, New Mexico.  I was so excited.  I was invited to a final interview.  Last year, 1 in 10 people got a position.  In early January, you were to receive email notification if you had gotten a placement.  All the previous emails were very upbeat and happy words were in the subject line.  This email said "about your application".  I let it sit in my inbox, unread for days.  I knew that I didn't get it, but I couldn't bring myself to read it, not after being so excited and happy for months. 

After that going to my job, that I LOATHED, was made even harder.    

Then a couple weeks, My Aunt passed away (in late January).  After that, all the people that I worked with at the cancer center reminded me of her and it made me really HATE my job.  All of my studies were with people over age 65.  All of these people thought that that could beat cancer even though their doctors (in my cases) weren't being completely truthful about their prognosis.  Yes, we need cancer research to help get rid of this shitty disease, but cancer research is all about the doctors moving their careers forward, not necessarily helping people (my opinion, what I saw, what I experienced).  

I made the decision after all of this that I couldn't wake up on my birthday (March 22) and come to a job that I hated that was making me physically ill.  So I made the decision to walk away from a solid, well-paying job. Kind of a birthday present to myself. 

Nearly 3 months later and it was probably one of the best decisions of my life.  Although I have wanted to push the panic button ALOT, it has helped me see what I want to do.  I want to work with youth and learn more about non-profit management.  So I am now a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer and I am applying to a local university to get a certificate in non-profit management.

Also I am going to start blogging more on my other site about my large ass :) I want to be upbeat and blog on here, but I am really frustrated with my weight right now, so that one is probably a better platform.  I'll post a link once I am rolling on that one or at least have something worthwhile to blog about.  Hopefully I'll get to that this weekend.  It's amazing how you have no time to do anything when you have nothing to do.  

Unemployed by choice, but glad I did it . . . . Yep, I am that girl

PS Since I am a big believer in hope, I love this quote: "Hope dies last".  I think about this all the time. 

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